City Folk

I’ve come to realize there are four types of people in this town: townies, college kids, locals and tourists...This list does not include outliers such as marines from Quantico and people dressed in Civil War costume. Each of these species can typically be identified at a single glance. How do you know? Let me tell you.

Townies

No description needed. This picture I found explains it all.

College Kids

This specimen is easiest to identify due to the fact that they appear to be between the ages of 18 and 23. They always travel in groups of three or more and always wear trendy eyewear. Their attire usually consists of collared shirts, sweaters and sundresses. Loners of this variety can be found at the coffee shop reading something you’d find on the reading list for a typical intro to literature course. The girls usually have long hair and the boys usually smoke incessantly.

Locals

Locals are most commonly spotted in the early evenings as they drive downtown for dinner to briefly escape suburbia. They usually travel in couples and can be found at the best restaurants that college kids and visitors don’t know about. Locals walk slowly, enjoying the scenery of downtown life and checking out the newest window displays at stores.

Tourists

Tiddly Winks

I got a part time job this summer at a little store with a ridiculous name. Anyone that I’ve told the name of this store can’t remember it and asks me, “How’s the job at ________?” For now, I’ll just call it one of my favorite incorrect names: Tiddly Winks. Business is slow over at Tiddly Winks. I have to find ways to occupy my time in a very small space with very little to do. I usually read but sometimes I almost fall asleep with my eyes open. Last week I alphabetized an entire display of magnets…..for fun. I can hardly people watch because so few people come into the store. It has been pointed out to me that I managed to find a job where a straight single male will never enter. I was worried that this was true until I met: The Mailman. There is something so charming about mail men on foot in a city. Each afternoon I look forward to this brief moment of testosterone in tight blue shorts. Thank you mailman, for connecting me to life outside this room via Domino's flyers and gift catalogs.

Yappy Hour

I live in an extremely dog friendly city. My best friend, who also happens to be my little brother’s girlfriend has a puppy. I’m not sure when she officially becomes a “dog” but it’s probably soon because she is quite big. She is a bloodhound which is a little different from your typical city dogs which are usually tiny or fancy. As I walk the streets with mybestfriendwhoalsohappenstobemylittlebrother’sgirlfriend, I am beginning to tune into the downtown dog culture. As a downtown dog owner you are expected to let your dogs “greet” each other and then make small talk with the owner about breeding, dog food, the ‘to pick up or not pick up’ dog crap debate, etc. I’m just pulling your leg…if you don’t pick up your dog crap, you will be stoned by city residents. MBFWAHTBMLBG and I decide to go to “Yappy Hour” to kick off our summer and take advantage of four dollar martinis. It’s a lovely outdoor restaurant with seating overlooking the river and upon each rod iron bistro set is a large centerpiece of sanitizing hand gel. Simple yet practical. The most humorous part about our trip to our fancy shmancy dog friendly yappy hour is that we could not find the dog’s leash and had to use an old rope from my brother’s boat. We somehow seemed out of place with our hillbilly dog in a noose among other “city dogs.” So next Thursday, if you don’t mind yelling across the table over the yapping and sharing your sweet potato fries with small animals, I strongly recommend the martinis at Yappy Hour.